ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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