pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
