I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
