think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
