I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
