how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
