Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize