you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
