Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
