garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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