i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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