I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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