he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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