whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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