Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
