it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
