The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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