today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
