PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
