All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
