Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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