i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
