i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
