Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
