Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
