Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
