I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
