Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
