i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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