Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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