are you so shy because you have an std?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
