Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
