People in love make me want to vomit
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
