who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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