I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
