Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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