we were pretty classy up until the second keg
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
