I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
