I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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