why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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