My hand turned me down
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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