If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize