she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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