I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
