If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my liver is dry heaving
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
