shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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