Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
