Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
