Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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