Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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