i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
