i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
