Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
