dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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