You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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