I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
