I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize