Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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