You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
