respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
