there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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