please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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