i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
