Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
