You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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