Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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