Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
