I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there is puke in my bra ... again
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