I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
nutella sex= disaster
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
