I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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