I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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