i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Green mimosas i think yes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
