You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
