I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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