Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
