My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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