he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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