The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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