last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
