I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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