after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize