You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I still have a little drunk in my system
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
