the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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