The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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