i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
then he tried to convert me to islam
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
