Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
