the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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