my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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