Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
