so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
