Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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