playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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