hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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