So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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