K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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