I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
