When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
